Baby Jade (written on 6-17-12)

When I first came home from the hospital with Beck I was on an emotional high and since everything was so fresh on my mind I sat down and wrote his birth story so I could remember every detail. Well, same thing is happening right now. We just got home today, Beck is at Grandma's house and Daddy and Jade are cuddling on the couch. So here I am overwhelmed with love and gratitude for a healthy body and a beautiful baby.

First off. I can't believe our bodies can do what they do. Create a human. It's amazing.

But here is the story of our little Jade. On tuesday the 12th, I went to my normal check-up (6 days before my original due date) and the doctor told me that I was at a 4 and 70% effaced. I didn't really think too much of it because I was at a 4 and 90% effaced for 2 weeks with Beck. But nonetheless I was glad to hear that I was making progress. The next couple of days I was contracting a ton and they were getting way more intense. On friday, I walked and walked and walked. I went up and down steps, did the curb walk, waddled and danced around. Pehrson and I decided to go to the Venice Canals to do some more walking. Then we went to Cheesecake Factory for dinner. After dinner the contractions were getting worse and I could tell that she was getting lower. I was contracting every 5 minutes or so, some taking my breath away. I decided to call my mom and have her come stay with Beck while we go to the hospital. I continued to walk around the city while I was waiting for my mom to come and I had a constant contraction the whole time. I knew it was a good decision to go to the hospital.

We got there and a nurse came to check me out. She said I was dilated to about a 3-4 and 70% effaced. I said to myself "THERE IS NO WAY!!!" I knew my body was more ready than that. I asked her if I could talk to a doctor. Pehrson and I kept going back and forth deciding if we should go back home or stay. Finally the doctor came in and he thought it was a good idea for me to stay since I was contracting regularly and making progress. I asked him if he could break my water to get things going faster. He said, no problem. He broke it and then the real party started.

It was about 1 am when he broke it. I layed on the bed and took each contraction one at a time. Everytime a contraction came I would just think about Beck or something that made me happy. And that helped for a while but then they started to get closer together and way more intense. My body would start to shake and I didn't think I could handle it. I told Pehrson to go tell the nurse I wanted the epidural. The doctor came in and I wanted her to check and see if I had made any progress. If I had then don't give me the epidural and lets start pushing but if I still have a ways to go I did not want to be in this much pain anymore. She checked me and said that I was at a 10! "BEST NEWS EVER!" I went from a 4-10 in about 4 1/2 hours. She wanted me to wait for the baby to drop just a little bit more and said that she would come back in about 45 minutes to start pushing.

Around 6:00 am I could tell that the baby was getting lower and it was getting harder for me to hold her in. The pushing sensation was in full force. I told the nurse and she checked me out. And when a contraction came she told me to push. Right when I started to push she said, "wait stop! don't push" she ran and got the doctor. The baby was right there! The doctor came in and suited up. It felt like she was taking forever to get all her equipment and gloves on. She told me not to push. My entire body was flexed trying to keep this little girl inside of me. It was torture! The doctor said, "okay, i'm ready when you are!" Finally! So we waited a second for the next contraction and she said okay push, I pushed and the doctor said, "wow you aren't kidding! She is right there!" She said, "slow and steady...slow and steady...slow..." and out came the head. And then the body. It was SO fast!

She came out, Pehrson cut the cord we heard a sweet little cry and I got to hold my little girl and look right into her eyes. It was truly love at first sight. Like I never knew life without her.

She came out much more pasty than Beck. I remember Beck being more slimmy but she was really white. They wiped her off and did a few things to her while I was getting stitched up. Which was the worst part of all. I riped in the same spot I did before and she started stitching me up and I yelled and said I could feel it! She said she was almost done, but everytime she put the needle in my skin I wanted to scream, I was holding onto P so hard in tears. I don't know if maybe I didn't see her numb me because I was destracted by this beautiful little girl or what but I felt everything and she was not being soft. She numbed me up afterwards and everything was fine, but I wish I didn't remember that part so vividly.

Family came to visit.

We got some cuddle time in.

And Beck and Jade were reunited! This moment will always bring tears to my eyes. It was the sweetest moment I have ever witnessed. Pure joy! Beck totally knew her and was just so happy...the pictures say it all!

 We dressed her up and left the hospital the next day.  

We love our little girl so much and can't stop staring at her. So glad she made it here safely (AND 2 days EARLY!!!!) I thought for sure that I would be late again. But that just goes to show that they come when they are ready.

Welcome Home Jade Arlene  Hawkley.

                                             Stats: 8 lbs 8.5 oz

         20 inches
       6:23 am

       6/16/12

     We Love You!

   

Sappy post

                       

Dear Beck,

     I just wanted to tell you how much I love! Thanks for being my little buddy. You and I have had some good times together. Going to the park, Disneyland, the Beach, the store, reading books, dancing...etc. You make me laugh everyday and I love it when you know you are being funny. I love when I am in the other room and you yell out "MA!!!" really loud. It is like music to my ears. Or when you get hurt you just want me to come pick you up and hold you. I will ALWAYS be there to pick you up. I love when we go on walks and you just talk and talk and talk. You point out the trees and the buses and the trucks and the birds. You say "HI" to everyone and give them a big wave. You LOVE making new friends, when we go to the beach you have no problem walking around and playing with all the kids there, probably because they have better toys, but you are so friendly and are getting really good at sharing. You had absolutely no problem going to nursery. You run right to the door after sacrement and you don't ever look back. I hope you are always this happy. I know that you will have bad days, we all do, but I hope you stay sweet and loving. Everyone likes a nice boy. 

     But you are about to become a big brother soon. You are going to be SUCH a good big brother. Every time you see a baby you get so excited, you bend down and reach your little hand into their carseat and touch their toes and cheeks and eyes. When I tell you to "be soft" you usually listen. This little girl is so lucky to have you as a brother. It is your job to protect her okay? 

    I will always cherish these 18 months I got to spend with just you! You made me a mom and it is the BEST thing I have ever done. You are my favorite little Beck in the whole world!! Keeping smiling and laughing and being the fun little boy that you are. I love you with every once of my soul and so does your daddy. You both light up when you see each other! It makes me so happy. 

Love you forever and always,

Your Mom

Dear Baby Girl,

    We don't know your name yet but we sure do love you! You have been in my belly for the last 9 months and boy are you active! When do you sleep??? I love feeling you move around. It makes me more anxious to meet you. You get really excited when I eat something sweet. Just like me! I think we are going to get along great. You have the best big brother in the world! He has been to every doctors appointment with me to see you and when I ask him "where is your sister?" he points to my belly and sometimes will give you a little kiss. The first time it happened I cried. I bet you two are so excited to see each other again. 

     Thanks for being so good to me. I have been very healthy. And you are already turning heads left and right! People are always staring and making comments about you. They think you might be a boy or a basketball and one guy asked if there were two in there but we both know that you are just making yourself comfortable and stretching me out as much as possible. A girl needs her space sometimes! I get that.  

      We are just days aways from meeting you sweetie! It's kind of surreal that I will have another baby to hold and love. I have seen pictures of you and it looks like you are already working on those cheeks! I can't wait to kiss them ALL DAY long. You are already loved by so many. You have been showered with some cute cute clothes. Can't wait to play dress up with you! 

      We will see you soon! 

Love you forever and always, 

Your Mom

Memorial Day was absolutely beautiful! SO of course we spent the day at the beach. We meet up with some friends and enjoyed some surf, ultimate frisbee, girl talk and the sun. It was perfect.

 Beck and his girl Maya relaxin.

 Baby girl was loving it too! (37 weeks)

 We dug lots of holes and barried lots of babes.

 I died over this one. ahaha Daddy wanted in on the fun too. 

 Cutest little beach bum. (he is working on that tan line)

 Then we watched the sunset and ate some dinner in Hermosa Beach with friends. It was beautiful. Love Beck's face in the picture below. haha he cracks me up.

 Then we finished the night off with some ice cream. 

It was a fun fun day! I wish every day could be just like it.

This picture. I have looked at it so many times and I love everything about it. We went to a city fair and there was a booth of puppies and dogs from a shelter that you could go play with. Once Beck saw this he ran over with the biggest smile on his face. I grabbed this one and gave it to him and as you can tell Beck just started loving him. He didn't want to let him go. He would look at him in the eyes and then give him a big hug and kiss. It was the sweetest most sincere thing I have ever seen. I almost started crying! (ok maybe I did) But I didn't want to leave either. If only our place allowed dogs!

Someday Beck.......someday!

San Francisco

We made a quick trip up to San Francisco to visit some friends and spend some quality family time with each other. I hadn't been there in years and P was on spring break so we decided to go last minute. Pehrson just got back from his Ayuda Trip to Columbia so we hadn't seen each other for about 10 days, being stuck in a car for 6 hours was the best thing ever. We talked and talked and the drive went by so fast....and Beck was a dream, he slept, and ate and pointed out all the trucks that passed us. We had no plans we just stopped when we wanted and saw what we wanted. It was stress free and just fun. 

One of the best parts about the trip is that we got to stay and catch up with this awesome couple. Tyler just got his Masters at Berkeley...GO TY you're awesome! Friends Forever

We then did the typical touristy stuff...(yes my belly is huge. But we are counting down the days people...Delivery Day is almost here...)

It takes Beck a little while to warm up after he wakes up from a nap, he usually makes this grumpy face and just points at things for a while. (He gets is from me, I don't like to wake up either sometimes B) 

We walked across the HUGE bridge and Beck was more interesed in the cars and trucks and buses passing than anything else. I think we heard the word Bus about 5000+ times in 3 days. 

 Model.

We spent the afternoon at Golden Gate Park. It was absolutely beautiful. We rented bikes, feed the ducks, played at the park, wandered around. The weather was great and the secenery was breath taking. A must see if you ever go to SF. 

 We went to fishermans warf and got some soup in the bread bowls and walked around the shops.

Beck is super friendly these days, he is not afraid of anyone or any dog. I was sitting at a table watching this interaction from a far. As you can see he is asking this girl for a high five. Love him. 

 And of course we had to stop here...YUM YUM YUM!!

I love these little spontaneous adventures together. Makes life exciting. 

Oh the looks that I get...

I always have to be doing something, I think I get it from my mom who gets it from her mom, I just can't sit still or be inside too long or I go crazy. So Beck and I go on a lot of adventures. We try to plan something at least everyday, something to get us out of the house, because lets be honest, we both need it. And while we are out and about I get constant looks and stares and glares and questions. There is no denying that I am pregnant...boy am I pregnant! I am carrying this little girl straight out. And I am huge! Really I am. 

I had a little boy at the beach come up to me and say, "what are you hiding under your shirt? Is it a beach ball?"

Last sunday an older man came up and said, "I hope you are putting on some oil and lotion because by the looks of it you are gonna have some major stretch marks!" (um...thanks? and too late already have them!) 

The  nicest one I got was from one of my young women, "you look like you have a celebrity pregnancy, just a round basketball." 

I was at REI and from across the huge store i heard the cashier say, "WOW you're pregnant!" Then the whole store turned around and looked at me. I nodded and said, "yep...I am!"

I was picking up Pehrson from an Ayuda Clinic and one of the doctors came up to me and said,"I didn't even know you guys were expecting?" I said, "expecting what?" his face turned white and he was silent for a second and then I started laughing, it is every persons nightmare to ask a women if they are pregnant when they aren't (trust me...i know!)

And of course. Everyone wants to tell me their thoughts. "Any day now right?" "you are totally having a boy, i can tell by the way you are carrying!" "You shouldn't hold your boy, thats bad for your body, go home and just lie down." "you shouldn't walk up those stairs." "WAIT...how far apart will they be?" "You shouldn't wear flip-flops when you're pregnant! thats dangerous." 

And my favorite...."you are gonna have your hands full!"

People are so funnny. My doctor and I have some good laughs about what people say. And she said to me, "I don't know why but some women treat pregnancy like a disease." If you are having a healthy pregnancy you can still live your life. You don't have to stay glued to the couch 24/7. 

My favorite are the stares I get. ESPECIALLY when I am with Pehrson. I know we look young. But you can just tell by some of the looks I get that people are judging us like crazy. First they see my belly, then they look at my face, then at Pehrson and then at Beck and then back to my belly. It's pretty awesome. I'm sure they are thinking 18 year old high school drop outs! By the nasty disapproving looks I get. Sometimes I just want to wear a shirt that says, "I'm 26, he's 28, I have my degree, he is almost done with dental school, we are responsible...thanks!" 

I am SO ready to meet this little girl. I can't wait to see what a girl version of Beck will look like. Its funny how I just can't imagine it yet. When I see a baby I just see Beck. I wonder if she will come out with red hair too. Or if it will be black like mine was. She moves ALL the time!! And things are getting a little more awkward and uncomfortable. Bending over is a joke and sleeping has been a challenge lately. I have to pee like 3 times a night and I get so so hot! But I can't complain life has been good. And it has been SO fun spending come quality time with just Beck, no managing or babysitting to get in the way. We wake up and do what we want and I am just savoring every second cause I know life will change here in about a month. 

We still don't have a name decided, I just can't pick one until I meet her. We have about 3 in mind. And I like them all equally, so hopefully we get some inspiration when the time comes. (but i have had 2 or 3 dreams of never naming this little girl and her whole life she never had a name. SAD!) Pehrson and I just need to choose one. We will let you know.

And I feel like I can't post this without a picture. So instead of a big belly picture here is a cute one of the two men in my life. 

Okay one more...

We went to San Francisco recently...more to come on that fun trip later. 

We can't wait to meet you little girl. Keep on cooking. But if you want to come a little early we are fine with that too! Love You!